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  • Ann Yeong

How much do you desire to be your True Self?

Updated: Jun 14


Talk to anyone who has begun to discover and live out of their True Selves - that Self which is unafraid to be who he/she is, courageous to face truth both within and without, boldly loving and giving from abundance and not insecurity - and I can guarantee you that they will tell you that they have gone through fire to birth their True Selves.


Through repeated experiences of being rejected, ignored, abandoned or conditionally loved, we all learn to wear masks and to play the role which helps us to receive some of the attention and love we need.

It seems that we lose our True Selves at a very young age. Through repeated experiences of being rejected, ignored, abandoned or conditionally loved, we all learn to wear masks and to play the role which helps us to receive some of the attention and love we need. For some of us that role is to be the 'Superstar' - over-achieving, performing, making ourselves as admirable and likeable as possible. For some of us that role may be 'Black Sheep' - we become the one who self-harms or acts out and rebels, causing grief and worry in our families and communities because we had learned that THAT was the way we could get some attention at least.


These masks - our False Selves - serve an important function to help us continue to survive. We may even - in appearance - seem to thrive.

There are many roles, masks, and coping mechanisms we learn. We use them so often that they become a second-skin to us and as we grow older we forget our true selves and only remember these masks that help us survive in an emotionally and maybe even physically unsafe world. These masks - our False Selves - serve an important function to help us continue to survive. We may even - in appearance - seem to thrive. But there is a cost for living a life that does not truly give us the integrity and authenticity our souls need to be alive.


Compulsive behaviour. Addictions. Co-dependency. Relationship dysfunctions. Infidelity. Physical pains and illnesses. Burn out. Abuse - be it physical, emotional or spiritual, whether covert or overt. These are some of the tolls we pay when we are false to ourselves. Yet the incredible thing is that so many of us continue to shell out of our interiorly bankrupt selves to pay this toll because we cannot seem to extricate ourselves from the hell we find ourselves in.


...the incredible thing is that so many of us continue to shell out of our interiorly bankrupt selves to pay this toll because we cannot seem to extricate ourselves from the hell we find ourselves in.

I have been there - and not just once. I have accompanied others who struggle with their own demons and recognised the same pattern in them. I have seen and heard the excruciating emotional pain they live with and yet in all of them - in all of US - we still choose desperately to seek the answer to our suffering outside of ourselves.


If only our spouse can be different. If only our work was more ideal. If only someone could understand me. If only I had a boss who is more patient. If only I had not made such and such a decision in the past. The 'if only's can be endless and yet no matter how much we suffer, we are blind to our own complicity.


We cannot see that we - in our exile from our own inner selves - are responsible for our continued emotional and moral pain. This blindness is, to a great extent, a part of our human condition.

We cannot see that we - in our exile from our own inner selves - are responsible for our continued emotional and moral pain. This blindness is, to a great extent, a part of our human condition. Our wounds harden us and keep us fleeing from ourselves - either way we become less alive and settle for existence rather than truly living.


For so many of us, the bad news is also the good news: When we free fall there will come a point when we hit rock bottom. It's hard to say what form that rock bottom might take. It is always costly. In fact it is always SO costly that we finally get jolted awake and realise that there is someone in need of healing and restoration inside of us.


Sometimes we may need to hit what we thought was rock bottom several times before we finally begin our ascent - our surrender into grace.

For some people this rock bottom could be the irrevocable (or near irrevocable) break down of their marriage. For others it could be the shattering of a cherished vision or dream, or the loss of our reputation and good name because of scandal. Or perhaps some of us need a serious medical scare that reminds us of our mortality before we wonder - "What am I doing with my one, irreplaceable and finite life in this world?" Our personal 'rock bottom' can take many forms, and sometimes we may need to hit what we thought was rock bottom several times before we finally begin our ascent - our surrender into grace.


In mythic tales and legends, there is no treasure without risking life and limb to slay the dragon. Myths and legends often reflect a deeper existential truth - that nothing truly worth having can be had without great desire and great risk taken. We must want something enough to be willing to risk everything we know - and possess - in order to become worthy of possessing it.


Myths and legends often reflect a deeper existential truth - that nothing truly worth having can be had without great desire and great risk taken.

I do not know of anything greater than becoming our True Self. It is not a 'thing' to be attained but a process of such divine love and grace, fraught with such sacrifice and pain that only those of us who have had enough of our own lack of authenticity and integrity will be willing to undertake this quest.


There is no one yet I have come to know who cannot rediscover and live as their True Selves if they want it enough to ask, seek, knock and risk everything they know.

The journey of becoming our true selves is not easy or comfortable, but it is possible for all who desire it enough. In Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist there is this prophetic line - "And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." In the Christian gospels, Jesus says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." There is no one yet I have come to know who cannot rediscover and live as their True Selves if they want it enough to ask, seek, knock and risk everything they know. But because we are all afraid to risk until we are tired of even that very fear, the grace we need often awaits us at the very place we fear most.


I have come to accept that everything in life is gift when it comes to our quest for our True Self. And perhaps the greatest of all these gifts is the gift of Rock Bottom where the threshold to self-knowledge and healing awaits.

Listen to Episode 20 Why Things Get Worse Before They Get Better on the Becoming Me Podcast from Wednesday 21 April, 2021.


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Website: https://www.becomingme.sg/podcast




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